Usually a derogatory term, of course. Used mostly to describe those who have turned their back on their culture, on their upbringing, on the very values that shaped them to be whomever they are.
In my case, though, it means snow. A lot of snow, in fact; some say it’s the most Seattle has had for years. Others say that the Stig took a massive dump over the skies of Redmond and Bellevue. All I know is…walking in this shit sucks balls.
It begins.
My final transition out of being a sophomore and becoming a junior, anyway. Not becoming a real artiste; that’s probably going to require a little more than just the passage of time.
The three weeks of break that I’ve had were, I admit, not particularly spent in the most productive fashion. For the first time in my life, I’d been a little jaded by the sheer gravity of my own work, and had no choice but to succumb to the mental degradation that it incurred upon my soul.
In other words, I slept a lot.
With myself, with my classes, that is the order of the day.
It’s not always a bad thing, like Americans would have you otherwise believe. Disappointment is what pushes oneself to improve. So does shame, and again, to a certain extent, your own pride. They’re all interrelated concepts, I suppose.
To the creaking, weakening railings that guide me towards the end of my current academic semester; a task already made difficult by the various obstacles that sometimes hurl themselves in my path, seemingly from out of nowhere.
A deliverable here; a deadline there. When my little board at home and my digital board on listthings starts becoming obscured by the mass of post-its that cover it, you know things can’t be good.
And yet, somehow, in the middle of all this, where I should be at my finest, doing my best to usurp everyone else in terms of getting things done, getting stuff polished and honing skills learnt…I’m not. In fact, my drive, the one thing I can depend on when all else fails, is already beginning to slip. How it began, I have no idea either.
It still clouds my everyday judgement, and lies in the back of my mind as I continue to struggle through each day’s tasks. Normally I ignore it, like I do all distractions, but something that someone asked me the other day has brought it back again into the limelight, now lit with a the intensity of a sun’s scorch.
“What do you want to do next time?”
Something that every young’un is asked during their schooling years, it seems. I’ve been asked this about a million times, hell, I’ve asked myself this ever since I got the desire to work with games, and every time the answer I came up with was “Everything”. Because everything matters.
From the hole that constitutes my apartment dwelling, I clamber out of. Somewhat hesitant, of course, due to the fact that it’s freezing outside.
I’ve been mostly busy with having about a million assignments to complete, which seems rather par for the course now. The only consolation, if any, is that I have now more or less re-integrated myself fully with a 3D digital pipeline after an absence of over 3 years, no thanks to the SAF and then of course my experience with a 2D pipeline. Right now I’m still re-familiarizing with Maya, but after that I should be ready to take on THE WORLD. Or something similar.
If only XSI was still being headed directly by Avid…
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