Is more like waking up from a nightmare: everything else in comparison seems to be bestowed by the grace of God Himself when you first open your eyes, the last vestiges of whatever evil you were sweating against fading from the edges of your retinas.
Then you look at the clock (which, in my case, entails turning on my phone’s screen) and see that’s it’s too late for breakfast, but still two hours before what normal humans would call “lunchtime”, and you utter silent curses (again, in my case, these curses are much less silent) as you throw back the covers.
I’m back in America, back to my personal freedom, and apart from my new ability (or inability) to get up at a predetermined time of my choice, it’s going just swimmingly. Of course, I don’t have to work or anything, which, I suspect, contributes to a major part of my current euphoria.
That’s not to say that my time back in Singapore was unpleasant; on the contrary, it was great to get to meet up with several old friends, some of whom I thought I’d never be able to see again in this lifetime. Former colleagues, former army mates, my old school pals and even my US DigiPen professor, who’s currently doing an overseas teaching stint at the Singapore campus. It wasn’t that bad to meet back with family and relatives, especially when my sister had lunches with me every other day or so (with her mostly footing the bill, that’s always a plus).
Apart from the flying, the preparations for flying, and all the other flying-related nonsense (TSA, long security checkpoints at CBP, etc.), my time back was spent rather…unproductively. And that’s a huge worry for me these days: I’m finding that I’m losing my drive rather easily when it comes to work, or anything, for that matter. At an age like this, that’s not a quality I’d like to encourage for obvious reasons.
I’ve been trying to mitigate it somewhat by surrounding myself with what some might consider an extravagantly conducive environment for creativity, going about my daily chores as usual and spending the rest of the time randomly either sketching, working or looking at reference material.
And yet, the motivation just isn’t there.
It can’t possibly be a lack of break time; I’ve literally spent the past month doing nothing but having lunch/dinner appointments with homo sapiens various, and struggling to do whatever sketching I could be bothered to.
A telling sign is the fact that I’ve probably twatted about my life more than I’ve ever managed to express in the entirety of this blog. It’s like ADD or something, I swear.
But anyway, one good thing about being back here is the fact that I finally have a new rig, ready to take on whatever applications that I can throw at it (and games).
And even with the look of disapproval I’m sure is to appear on most people’s faces upon hearing that: after all, games are the entire reason behind my motivation in the first place.
Maybe that’s a solution? Let’s find out. Back to Team Fortress 2, which now has a lot more idiots joining the fray.
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